BEAR ENFORCES LOCKDOWN

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When I scrolled by this sensational click bate that, the Philadelphia Zoo released a hungry grizzly bear into the streets to keep people at home through the coming lock down, I wanted to see the bear or anything real.

Following fellow bear seekers’ Instagram photo streams, I slunked my car and I over to a slanted parking lot in Fairmount, then shalunked over to a huddle of bear bros zooming their phones towards the resty rump of a bear snoozing out yonder in the trees.

Standing six-feet from those who heard the call of the wild, a jazzy dude who reminded me of myself in eighth grade announced without eye contact,

“They let that bear out on us to teach us a thing or two about staying home, now look at that lazy ol’ loser, just hibernating in the trees.”

Seeing only ‘dat ass of a sleeping zoo-born bear, I gave up my little adventure and headed back to my panic home, to my panic room, to my panic news, to eat my panic cereal. Maybe those cartoonish male role models color printed on the cereal boxes could comfort me?


Hunkering down on my toilet, I thought of this;

The challenge of staying home isn’t where we are trapped, it is the fact that we are awake and waiting. When that loser-snoozer bear realized that the world is getting dangerous and boring, like highschool, it just goes to sleep for a month.

Then a thought inside a thought

At some point in our evolution, I can imagine that the idle hands of our sleepless ancestors, forced by their evolution to stay awake through hibernation, did the devil’s work and killed off their hibernating cousins.

We are the descendants of the ones who conquered nature awake. Now we are awake and unable to fast forward.


This story re-imagines this event in Philadelphia’s triumphant history

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